by P. David Gardner
Just hold on a fast minute there, pardner. Why, I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself, an atheist. I see, therefore I must be!
In an impressive display of a crumbling tower of brain power, Si Robertson, head of the infamous "Duck Dynasty" clan and reality TV star, has proclaimed that there is no such thing as an atheist.
"I'm serious," he said, "because there's too much documentation. Our calendars are based on Jesus Christ. Whether you believe in him or not, every time you sign your calendar, you add down the day's date, you're saying he's here, OK? That's documented."
The problem with his logic? Calendars existed before the supposed birth of Jesus. Both the names of the days and the months are wholly based in Paganism, which kind of started out at least a few days before the supposed birth of Jesus Christ.
OK, to be fair, the calendar that most modern-day folk use is indeed based on the Gregorian calendar, named for Pope Gregory XII, who unleashed it on an unsuspecting world back in 1582. The Gregorian is a refinement of the Julian calendar, which corrects for the length of the year so that Easter coincides with the time of year that the early church celebrated it.
So, our modern calendar was "fixed" so that Easter would be celebrated when them Christian folk wanted to celebrate it. No more a reason, no less. If you ask me, that was no solid reason to mess with the calendar, but the Pope had his way.
But oh, I dunno. I sincerely doubt that I acknowledge the existence of Si's supreme being every time I "sign" my calendar (whatever that means; do I really do that?), or whenever I "add" down the day's date.
I guess I could turn the tables around and claim that every time Si and his ilk mutter the word "Thursday," they are accepting of and adhering to Paganism, since Thursday was named after "Thor's Day".
Ya know, the Thor of the ancient Norse gods, spectacularly spangled out in the latest Marvel movies.
Or should I say, when he "signs" his Thursdays?